"You're gonna catch the cold from the ice inside your soul."
This awesome sentence is one of reasons why I love Jar of hearts song. I'm not sad neither unhappy. I just love this beautiful song. In everyday life, there are things I'm not pleased with. Everything could be better. I could speak more and be more positive. Christmas holidays ended. School began. It went well, I spend time with my friend. I past a social science test. I like social science. I'd like to study it but I'm not going to be lawyer or psychologist. I'll do something what I'll love. I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day.
Dear self and anyone of you, who sometimes feel this way...
It's something like my sentimental dream. I'll be girl who run away for better life. Years at high school will ends one day. In 3 years and 4 months exactly. Things which are important for me now, maybe won't be matter in couple months. I'm growing up. One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but I will run away. After high school will start best holidays ever. Traveling through Germany (and through whole world perhaps) and spending time with people I love. I'll move to another city. I know that there is a place for me somewhere out there. I won't go to class reunion after 20 year. I'll never look back. I won't care about how much their life changed. I'll be somebody else, strong enough to don't go to class reunion. I'll be assertive. Perhaps I'll change my name so they will never find me, lol. I won't want to reminisce with them. I won't be afraid anymore. I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free.
At school we had to discuss in English, but I've got problem to discuss in my home language neither. We have to spend time with people who doesn't mean anything for us, we almost don't know who they are. Talk. About what? Sometimes It's not easy to devise topic of conversation. I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school. Some lessons are like infinity. I don't wanna complain. My life is alright except of moments when someone have notes about me. Is it funny?! If person who is sitting next to me says: "Kathryn is missing. No, you're here." and started laughed. Like he wouldn't noticed my existence. He don't mean it serious, so I smile, but do he really think that this is funny? I don't laughed at all. I'm trying to not care but it hurts, when someone has fun at the expense of me. They are not my enemies, they usually act nice with me. But when they are not so it just hurts, that's all. Silence is better than bullshit. 
I've never belong to my class. I'll always be the weird one. I don't want to change myself. I don't want to go to parties or out with my classmates. I'm weak and I don't believe in myself. I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK. At this planet are so many people having worse life. My life is fine, except few moments. I don't feel lonely now. I'm happy.
