Quotes In My Pocket - Part Two

April

"The point is that Charlie's story is so real... I swear, you will love it. I was so touched by this story... People writes that it made them cry. But i personally didn't cry at all."

"Sometimes you have to do something what is normal."

"I'd rather do million another things in my free time. Bad luck, i'll have to dance with some guys (or worse... classmates), because it's what normal people usually does."

"Sometimes, when i'm with kids i feel like i go back to my childhood. I'm not saying i'm not OK with my age. Moreover, i'd like to be older... But it's amazing to spend time with children that love you no matter what."

"I feel like i should impress people. I'm afraid they won't like my favorite music, film, book, whatever."

"I was looking at an old pictures and wishing i clould go back to that moment."

"I thought: Everybody looks happy. Except me. I felt like i don't have anyone to talk to. "

"We hadn't seen either texted each other for couple months and now we just go out and talk and i hope everything will be ok again?"

"We were just together. And that was enough."

May

"I was so afraid to send it, but i've done it. I don't really know how to feel about it."

"I have to stay strong and polite."

"She was my sunshine on a rainy day."

"I don't want us to be strangers again."

Meet me at midnight

Have you seen the Midnight in Paris? Yeah, I'm talking about the movie. I'm so thrilled about it. Every scene is awesome. Such a beautiful story with unexpected end. If you like Paris and know anything about art and artists, I'm sure you won't regret. I've also seen My date with Drew. I was so enthusiastic about that happy end. It's honestly positive.

What's new?

My friend is in England. I've been ill last weekend. Now i feel much better. Tea is a cure. I'm exhausted. One quite bad new. I'm insecure about something. I don't know if my life will or won't fall apart. All I can do is wait and pray hope.Maybe I dramatize but i hate that insecure feeling. It's like something stressful might happen. Oh dear. Life was newer easy, grow up and accept it, blah blah blah. I know. But who would begged for hard life? Nobody. My life isn't extremely hard. I hate doubt anyway. I don't wanna go anywhere. I just wanna spend holidays in my own happy way. I don't wanna waste my time on parties with certain people.
NOT ANYMORE! PLEASE!

So concise

Last five years

I don't party all day, all night. I hate this kind of fun. I don't smore or drink at all. I'm not wild. And I'm ok with it. People should be ok with it too. Cause I'm not gonna change myself to belong. I wouldn't feel like I belong anyway. Becouse I don't,. I'm me. Among other things, I hate can't dance.

Stop thinking

Music on - world off

I can't stop thinking about what happend and what would (or will) happen. I think too much. I think about everything, about people, ideas, stories, about my life and me. I wanna stop caring about what anyone thinks. But it's too hard for me. I can't just believe that everything will be ok and think positive for real. I have to acept that past is past. Need to stop worrying about unsure future. Being unhappy is not a solution. Maybe music is actually the best solution to any problem.

One of these texts

"God already has the solution." "Are you kidding me?! God doesn't even exist!" No one will save you. Deal with it. Crap about god won't change anything. I don't understand to people who believe in god. They wear t-shirts with cross, cross necklaces and rings. Is it necesarry? I don't understand them. They are in my age, believe in god, wear that clothes and think positive. Where do they come from? Why are they lying to yourself? Nobody will solve the problem for you. True is that no one knows the right solution neither answer. You have to try the invalid one.

What am I listen to

This is my city

The lonely

I just remembered this awesome song. Cassie is the best serial character ever. ♥ She is so lovely. One day I'll run to my city too.

Sometimes I just feel this way. I hate being (and feeling) alone in a crowd. What if the ugliest girl at school has more friends than I?! I don't mean that I'm pretty. I'm trying to tell you that I'm just in wrong class. Her classmates are my friends too. They spend time with her, couse I'm not their classmate. She isn't really sympathic (not only because of her appearance), but she has got true friends. I'm quite sure that she is not alone as often as I. I wonder why? Why is the world so unfair? Maybe I just don't understand what being fair means at this planet. Why do I care about how many friends she has? It doesn't matter, I'm alone anyway.

What I've done

This week was a bit weird, quite exhaustive but there also were some good moments when I was happy. I was looking forward to weekend. I just wanted to relax. I've listened to Christina Perri's songs this week. I also read and shopped with my mum. Friday was best of all school days. I guess that I've passes my chemistry test. I've studied a several hour for that test. It wasn't easy.

I'm going to buy The Sims 3 plus The Sims 3 seasons. I can't wait to start play. I had never wanted The Sims 3 before, but few days ago I saw interesting trailers. I thought I might be good to play TS3. I decided to send an order to the e-shop. I've already played The Sims 2. I remember that I played sims with my BF few years ago. We've creaded sims us on a college. So many memories. It's perfect game. Sims 3 have to be superior. I'm sure that It'll be fun. Have anyone of you played Sims too?


Btw: I've got rolers in my head. I wonder how will i look with curly hair.

Jar of hearts

"You're gonna catch the cold from the ice inside your soul."

This awesome sentence is one of reasons why I love Jar of hearts song. I'm not sad neither unhappy. I just love this beautiful song. In everyday life, there are things I'm not pleased with. Everything could be better. I could speak more and be more positive. Christmas holidays ended. School began. It went well, I spend time with my friend. I past a social science test. I like social science. I'd like to study it but I'm not going to be lawyer or psychologist. I'll do something what I'll love. I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day.

Dear self and anyone of you, who sometimes feel this way...

It's something like my sentimental dream. I'll be girl who run away for better life. Years at high school will ends one day. In 3 years and 4 months exactly. Things which are important for me now, maybe won't be matter in couple months. I'm growing up. One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but I will run away. After high school will start best holidays ever. Traveling through Germany (and through whole world perhaps) and spending time with people I love. I'll move to another city. I know that there is a place for me somewhere out there. I won't go to class reunion after 20 year. I'll never look back. I won't care about how much their life changed. I'll be somebody else, strong enough to don't go to class reunion. I'll be assertive. Perhaps I'll change my name so they will never find me, lol. I won't want to reminisce with them. I won't be afraid anymore. I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free.

At school we had to discuss in English, but I've got problem to discuss in my home language neither. We have to spend time with people who doesn't mean anything for us, we almost don't know who they are. Talk. About what? Sometimes It's not easy to devise topic of conversation. I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school. Some lessons are like infinity. I don't wanna complain. My life is alright except of moments when someone have notes about me. Is it funny?! If person who is sitting next to me says: "Kathryn is missing. No, you're here." and started laughed. Like he wouldn't noticed my existence. He don't mean it serious, so I smile, but do he really think that this is funny? I don't laughed at all. I'm trying to not care but it hurts, when someone has fun at the expense of me. They are not my enemies, they usually act nice with me. But when they are not so it just hurts, that's all. Silence is better than bullshit. 

I'm alone in a crowded room in schooldays.
I've never belong to my class. I'll always be the weird one. I don't want to change myself. I don't want to go to parties or out with my classmates. I'm weak and I don't believe in myself. I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK. At this planet are so many people having worse life. My life is fine, except few moments. I don't feel lonely now. I'm happy.