Quotes In My Pocket - Part Two

April

"The point is that Charlie's story is so real... I swear, you will love it. I was so touched by this story... People writes that it made them cry. But i personally didn't cry at all."

"Sometimes you have to do something what is normal."

"I'd rather do million another things in my free time. Bad luck, i'll have to dance with some guys (or worse... classmates), because it's what normal people usually does."

"Sometimes, when i'm with kids i feel like i go back to my childhood. I'm not saying i'm not OK with my age. Moreover, i'd like to be older... But it's amazing to spend time with children that love you no matter what."

"I feel like i should impress people. I'm afraid they won't like my favorite music, film, book, whatever."

"I was looking at an old pictures and wishing i clould go back to that moment."

"I thought: Everybody looks happy. Except me. I felt like i don't have anyone to talk to. "

"We hadn't seen either texted each other for couple months and now we just go out and talk and i hope everything will be ok again?"

"We were just together. And that was enough."

May

"I was so afraid to send it, but i've done it. I don't really know how to feel about it."

"I have to stay strong and polite."

"She was my sunshine on a rainy day."

"I don't want us to be strangers again."

Quotes In My Pocket

I'm reading everything again. Recapitulate. I want to post some interesting (?) alternatively meanful texts from my old articles. I know it might seem selfish. But i don't wanna forgot theese "quotes". This is the part one - until the April.
Do you like any of them?

December

"I wish you happy new year with no stress and depression. 2013 is going to be better than 2012. I hope so. Everyone deserve to feel better, believe me." Btw: This is the better year.

"I do have so gorgeous mum. Even if she is not and never was like Donna. But I don't mind. She keeps my family together and I can talk with her and trust her. I wish I can make her proud one day. " Btw: I've made her proud 3 months later.

January

I'll be girl who run away for better life. 

"I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day." 

"One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but will run away."

"I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free." Btw: Done.

"I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school."

"I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK."

"I hate being (and feeling) alone in a crowd. What if the ugliest girl at school has more friends than I?!"

I'm sorry, but I love this one: "Schooldays are like bubblegums - sweet at the beginning, but then they are losing flavor and you get bored by chewing them." It's my own idea

"I can't just believe that everything will be ok and think positive for real."

February

Last five years

"I don't party all day, all night. I hate this kind of fun. I don't smore or drink at all. I'm not wild. And I'm ok with it. People should be ok with it too. Cause I'm not gonna change myself to belong. I wouldn't feel like I belong anyway. Because I don't. I'm me."

Read this one if you want. You know whats is sad? I don't believe in it anymore. It would be nice, though. Because as I wrote...

"It's the only thing which is worth it to believe in. Because if everyone will know and act with people as equals it'll come true. People will be finally taken as equal becouse they are equal! People just have to start believe in equality of rights."

March

"I found out, that I like to help people with ordinary things."

"I can't stand when are people mean at me. Now they aren't, but I've read my old diary and it remind me something."

"You know what is most important feeling in the world? Happiness."

"I just wanna spend holidays in my own happy way."

"If my 8 year old self would met me, she would be proud. I'm sure and it makes me happy."

"Dear Katie, succes doesn't make you happy. I mean it's not most important thing in life. Happines doesn't come from being succesful. It comes from your soul."

Days spend with her

Yeah, so screw New York!

On wednesday (1st May) we met outside and talked for a while. After that, we went to my room. I lend her my favorite book. Moreover she read the story i've written. She likes it. It's nice when you see a friend laughing to something what is supposed to be funny. We decided to play The sims 3. Friend hasn't played it before. So we created a Sim. I showed her city and told her what to do. This doesn't sound like fun, though it was. I choose to be happy. A day spend with friend is always a day spend well.

The best Friday ever

We haven't planned that we spend 3rd May together. Notwithstanding she texted me she won't have time on weekend. So we changed pans and went out on Friday afternoon. It turned out to the day we enjoyed so much, tough it was raining. She were my sunshine on a rainy day. We talked and smiled alot. We took pictures. We were listening to my favorite music (Everything has changed, Stay, You take me there and Back to december) which had a meaning. We played our favorite The sims 3. 

We were going to go the house of my friend. I was raining but we didn't mind. We had an umbrella. We talked about the old times and it was pretty amazing. I love those talks with my friend. We went to her house to see a Marley. It's a dog who fetches a ball, jumps... Marley is just awesome. She took a care of him. Then we came back to my place to continue in playing the sims 3. No worries. Mom prepared a dinner for us. When it stopped raining and we stand in front of the my house, hugged goodbye. She said: "Today it was a good day." I smiled: "Yeah." I don't want us to be strangers again. 

Back together

I spend a Saturday with my old friend. We hadn't seen each other in 9 months. Don't ask me why. We don't really know. She's studying in another city. We're not so close as we used to be. Nothing bad have happened between us. She left without a single word.

...

In Thursday she send me a long message and I answered and send her that "picture with text" and wrote: "this is accurate". I was so happy she texted me because i wouldn't text her on my own. Even tough i missed her too.



I've already written, that we spend the Saturday afternoon together. We talked so much about life and everything. I found that she doesn't have a friend   in her class either. It's so...i don't know... i feel better, when i know i'm not the only one, who doesn't. Incidentally she doesn't get well with her room-mate. We played The Sims 2 (at her place) just like the old times.

She still means a lot to me. I hope we can be friends again. I know it sounds crazy. We hadn't seen either texted each other for couple months and now we just go out and talk and i hope everything will be ok again? Maybe i'm naive. But I've know her all my life. Something like a best friend. I missed the old times... how happy i was with her. So many memories. Suddenly the one that got away came back. We were just together. And that was enough.

Sit and think

Now i seem like Taylor's fan, which i am not. I simply like this song.

I've done it. I break my Wednesday tradition yesterday. I was doing my hair (put curlers) because of today's photography (nothing special, simply anually photo of whole class) and i forgot. Interesting fact: I was absolutely happy yesterday. I studied for a history test with my friend (doesn't sound like fun, but it was, honest) and be both passed the test quite well. It was a day spend with a few nice people, unexpectedly at school. We talked and laughed a lot. I was looking at an old pictures and wishing i clould go back to that moment. There were my cousins, aunt, grandma brother and me in a Zoo, two years ago. They make me upset sometimes, even so I adore them so much. It's my family. Nobody gets left behind of forgotten.

I saw this photo on weheartit.com yesterday and thought : "Now and again! :)))" i was truly happy and satisfied with my life. It doesn't happen every day. Today i am not, for example. No big deal. I'm fine. I'm just not happy.

My class (and teacher) went to confectioner's instead of gym. Don't care about details, we just went there to buy some ice-cream and desserts. I don't really have a group or friends in my class. I get well (talk) with classmates, everything is ok in this way, but we are not friends. I'd sit with someone but all tables were placed so i sat alone. I smiled often. I was thinking about life and waiting for my raspberries with ice-cream.
I thought: "Everybody looks happy. Except me." I felt like i don't have anyone to talk to. However i wasn't sad.

I knew i have a friends. They just weren't there that's all. So i was lonely... for five years now. You know, i am not lonely all the time. In some groups of people, i just feel lonely, most of time. I don't worry about it. As i have written i get well with that people and i'm really happy about it. I can't complain. Of course i'd rather be in class with my friends, if you asking. Nevertheless i'm fine. At least i don't have any enemies. Do you remember the Midnight in Paris? This thought is snappy:

Happy moments

Wow, I am really surprised of the number of my readers! I mean views of my blog. Thank you so much! Wish you write some comments. What's up people? Are you too lazy to write few words? It would make me happy. Anyway I'm glad I've got readers from almost all over the world. Could you follow my blog, please? I wonder if you're coming back to read what I've written. Could you just let me know you're here please? It would be nice. Thanx!

This week is something special, because I spend schooldays with my friends. I'm enjoying it. It's nice to know, that I'm not alone. I feel like I belong. I just have somebody to talk to. Life isn't perfect. At some lessons I'm bored and I can't wait to go home but anyway... I'm OK. It's so important to feel OK. I don't wanna stress anymore. Btw: Waking up for school is still problem for me.

I saw the Silver lining Playbook last night. I have to tell you it's wonderful movie. Jennifer Lawrence was excellent. I'm sure you know that she received Oscar for the best actress. If you want to see something what remind you what is life about, than you have to see the Silver lining Playbook. It's an amazing emotional story about love and life.

Feel good

 http://picturesofheart.tumblr.com/post/43915055305 

I'm not going anywhere. Now I'm really satisfied with my life. Nothing is perfect, you know. This friday have been the best friday of whole month. Succesful day, which I truly enjoyed. I feld useful and I spoke to fine people. Me and my friend (one of a few good friends) had fun. It was one of those moments when you realize you're happy. I would thank god if I believe in any. I thank my friend for being there for me instead. I know she won't read this but nevermind. I'm not gonna tell anyone about this blog. It's my secret.

Do you know what is unbelievable? One day I'm desperate of my life (fake smile on) and my mind is full of worries. Another day (i mean tomorrow) I'm happy of my life, I'm smiling and don't feel alone. I don't have to wake up so early as usual tomorrow. Hope you feel good too!

So concise

Last five years

I don't party all day, all night. I hate this kind of fun. I don't smore or drink at all. I'm not wild. And I'm ok with it. People should be ok with it too. Cause I'm not gonna change myself to belong. I wouldn't feel like I belong anyway. Becouse I don't,. I'm me. Among other things, I hate can't dance.

Stop thinking

Music on - world off

I can't stop thinking about what happend and what would (or will) happen. I think too much. I think about everything, about people, ideas, stories, about my life and me. I wanna stop caring about what anyone thinks. But it's too hard for me. I can't just believe that everything will be ok and think positive for real. I have to acept that past is past. Need to stop worrying about unsure future. Being unhappy is not a solution. Maybe music is actually the best solution to any problem.

One of these texts

"God already has the solution." "Are you kidding me?! God doesn't even exist!" No one will save you. Deal with it. Crap about god won't change anything. I don't understand to people who believe in god. They wear t-shirts with cross, cross necklaces and rings. Is it necesarry? I don't understand them. They are in my age, believe in god, wear that clothes and think positive. Where do they come from? Why are they lying to yourself? Nobody will solve the problem for you. True is that no one knows the right solution neither answer. You have to try the invalid one.

What am I listen to

This is my city

The lonely

I just remembered this awesome song. Cassie is the best serial character ever. ♥ She is so lovely. One day I'll run to my city too.

Sometimes I just feel this way. I hate being (and feeling) alone in a crowd. What if the ugliest girl at school has more friends than I?! I don't mean that I'm pretty. I'm trying to tell you that I'm just in wrong class. Her classmates are my friends too. They spend time with her, couse I'm not their classmate. She isn't really sympathic (not only because of her appearance), but she has got true friends. I'm quite sure that she is not alone as often as I. I wonder why? Why is the world so unfair? Maybe I just don't understand what being fair means at this planet. Why do I care about how many friends she has? It doesn't matter, I'm alone anyway.

Jar of hearts

"You're gonna catch the cold from the ice inside your soul."

This awesome sentence is one of reasons why I love Jar of hearts song. I'm not sad neither unhappy. I just love this beautiful song. In everyday life, there are things I'm not pleased with. Everything could be better. I could speak more and be more positive. Christmas holidays ended. School began. It went well, I spend time with my friend. I past a social science test. I like social science. I'd like to study it but I'm not going to be lawyer or psychologist. I'll do something what I'll love. I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day.

Dear self and anyone of you, who sometimes feel this way...

It's something like my sentimental dream. I'll be girl who run away for better life. Years at high school will ends one day. In 3 years and 4 months exactly. Things which are important for me now, maybe won't be matter in couple months. I'm growing up. One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but I will run away. After high school will start best holidays ever. Traveling through Germany (and through whole world perhaps) and spending time with people I love. I'll move to another city. I know that there is a place for me somewhere out there. I won't go to class reunion after 20 year. I'll never look back. I won't care about how much their life changed. I'll be somebody else, strong enough to don't go to class reunion. I'll be assertive. Perhaps I'll change my name so they will never find me, lol. I won't want to reminisce with them. I won't be afraid anymore. I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free.

At school we had to discuss in English, but I've got problem to discuss in my home language neither. We have to spend time with people who doesn't mean anything for us, we almost don't know who they are. Talk. About what? Sometimes It's not easy to devise topic of conversation. I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school. Some lessons are like infinity. I don't wanna complain. My life is alright except of moments when someone have notes about me. Is it funny?! If person who is sitting next to me says: "Kathryn is missing. No, you're here." and started laughed. Like he wouldn't noticed my existence. He don't mean it serious, so I smile, but do he really think that this is funny? I don't laughed at all. I'm trying to not care but it hurts, when someone has fun at the expense of me. They are not my enemies, they usually act nice with me. But when they are not so it just hurts, that's all. Silence is better than bullshit. 

I'm alone in a crowded room in schooldays.
I've never belong to my class. I'll always be the weird one. I don't want to change myself. I don't want to go to parties or out with my classmates. I'm weak and I don't believe in myself. I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK. At this planet are so many people having worse life. My life is fine, except few moments. I don't feel lonely now. I'm happy.

Why 30 is the Perfect Age?

When I was younger (about 13 year) my best friend told me: "I would like to wake up as a 30 year old women, like in movie "13 Going on 30", but I wouldn't like to give back on 13 year."

I was suprised. I was thinking about it. She would like to throw away 20 years of her life?! I didn't understand her. I didn't want to be 30. I wanted to live whole my life, not jump from 13 year to 30 year. Even if I knew that it might be good life in 30 year.

Why am I writing this? Because I remembered on this lifestory few days ago. Three years after. I realized that I finally understand my best friend! I was just siting in my room and I thinking about it. She wanted to have perfect life - lovely husband, cute children, beautiful family house, good job and maybe lots of money. We've always wanted to live perfect lifes. Now I know that year 30 doesn't mean that you have perfect life. People have problems in every age. But I think that if you are 30 you can do anything you want. You can have any hobby, do anything. People won't think that you are weird if you don't go to a party or if you do something unordinary. Sure if you are 30, you can't wear eccentric clothes, but I would not do it in any age. People are adult so they don't judge you so much as they did when you were younger. Few days ago, I felt like I'd like to become 30 old. Maybe I just wanted to have that perfect life. I'd like to run away out of everything. I knew that I idealize it ... and also I must live today. We weren't silly... we knew that if you are 30 it doesn't mean that everything is perfect. But it was something like our dream. We just believed in better future. Moreover she thought that I'm city girl. No, I am not. But I always wanted to be.

weheartit.com

Sometimes I'm looking forward to be 30. I don't really know why not 25 or 27 or 35...it's just 30. Today I found that *girl who was my best friend when we were younger* still want to be 30 year old. It suprised me. We will never be old to dream about future. I'd like to see my face when I will read it 30 year old. Hope I won't be much disappointed in myself.

I wanna add something about movie "13 Going on 30". My best friend loved it, but I didn't. I actually did not like movie, main character has a best friend. He was a fat boy. My best friend had similar fat best friend. I didn't like him. At the end of story main character married that fat boy. I was disgusted. It remind me that *girl who was my best friend when we were younger* is now dating with her (ugly) fat best friend. OMG! I wouln't like to find out for several years that she married him. Wouldn't I? They would live their boring lifes. In ordinary family house with annoying children and a mortgage. She would teach children in kindergarden and her fat husband would be a cook. They are really going to have this jobs. She would have ordinary boring life, nothing special. She would not be desperate, she would be just an average woman. If I meet her I would enjoy it, maybe...just a little bit. Or a lot?