Quotes In My Pocket

I'm reading everything again. Recapitulate. I want to post some interesting (?) alternatively meanful texts from my old articles. I know it might seem selfish. But i don't wanna forgot theese "quotes". This is the part one - until the April.
Do you like any of them?

December

"I wish you happy new year with no stress and depression. 2013 is going to be better than 2012. I hope so. Everyone deserve to feel better, believe me." Btw: This is the better year.

"I do have so gorgeous mum. Even if she is not and never was like Donna. But I don't mind. She keeps my family together and I can talk with her and trust her. I wish I can make her proud one day. " Btw: I've made her proud 3 months later.

January

I'll be girl who run away for better life. 

"I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day." 

"One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but will run away."

"I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free." Btw: Done.

"I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school."

"I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK."

"I hate being (and feeling) alone in a crowd. What if the ugliest girl at school has more friends than I?!"

I'm sorry, but I love this one: "Schooldays are like bubblegums - sweet at the beginning, but then they are losing flavor and you get bored by chewing them." It's my own idea

"I can't just believe that everything will be ok and think positive for real."

February

Last five years

"I don't party all day, all night. I hate this kind of fun. I don't smore or drink at all. I'm not wild. And I'm ok with it. People should be ok with it too. Cause I'm not gonna change myself to belong. I wouldn't feel like I belong anyway. Because I don't. I'm me."

Read this one if you want. You know whats is sad? I don't believe in it anymore. It would be nice, though. Because as I wrote...

"It's the only thing which is worth it to believe in. Because if everyone will know and act with people as equals it'll come true. People will be finally taken as equal becouse they are equal! People just have to start believe in equality of rights."

March

"I found out, that I like to help people with ordinary things."

"I can't stand when are people mean at me. Now they aren't, but I've read my old diary and it remind me something."

"You know what is most important feeling in the world? Happiness."

"I just wanna spend holidays in my own happy way."

"If my 8 year old self would met me, she would be proud. I'm sure and it makes me happy."

"Dear Katie, succes doesn't make you happy. I mean it's not most important thing in life. Happines doesn't come from being succesful. It comes from your soul."

Jar of hearts

"You're gonna catch the cold from the ice inside your soul."

This awesome sentence is one of reasons why I love Jar of hearts song. I'm not sad neither unhappy. I just love this beautiful song. In everyday life, there are things I'm not pleased with. Everything could be better. I could speak more and be more positive. Christmas holidays ended. School began. It went well, I spend time with my friend. I past a social science test. I like social science. I'd like to study it but I'm not going to be lawyer or psychologist. I'll do something what I'll love. I need to work in friendly environment with motivation. I don't wanna just surviving day by day.

Dear self and anyone of you, who sometimes feel this way...

It's something like my sentimental dream. I'll be girl who run away for better life. Years at high school will ends one day. In 3 years and 4 months exactly. Things which are important for me now, maybe won't be matter in couple months. I'm growing up. One day I'll live somewhere faraway and everything what makes me miserable will be only a memory. I don't know how I know it, but I will run away. After high school will start best holidays ever. Traveling through Germany (and through whole world perhaps) and spending time with people I love. I'll move to another city. I know that there is a place for me somewhere out there. I won't go to class reunion after 20 year. I'll never look back. I won't care about how much their life changed. I'll be somebody else, strong enough to don't go to class reunion. I'll be assertive. Perhaps I'll change my name so they will never find me, lol. I won't want to reminisce with them. I won't be afraid anymore. I'll be myself. I'll live my own way. I'll meet my lost friend. I will make myself and my parents proud. I'll be happy and free.

At school we had to discuss in English, but I've got problem to discuss in my home language neither. We have to spend time with people who doesn't mean anything for us, we almost don't know who they are. Talk. About what? Sometimes It's not easy to devise topic of conversation. I'm just watching my life wonder what if and daydreaming at school. Some lessons are like infinity. I don't wanna complain. My life is alright except of moments when someone have notes about me. Is it funny?! If person who is sitting next to me says: "Kathryn is missing. No, you're here." and started laughed. Like he wouldn't noticed my existence. He don't mean it serious, so I smile, but do he really think that this is funny? I don't laughed at all. I'm trying to not care but it hurts, when someone has fun at the expense of me. They are not my enemies, they usually act nice with me. But when they are not so it just hurts, that's all. Silence is better than bullshit. 

I'm alone in a crowded room in schooldays.
I've never belong to my class. I'll always be the weird one. I don't want to change myself. I don't want to go to parties or out with my classmates. I'm weak and I don't believe in myself. I should not care about what people thinks about me. But I do care even if I'm smiling and pretending that everything is OK. At this planet are so many people having worse life. My life is fine, except few moments. I don't feel lonely now. I'm happy.