Stay strong

I'm sorry i'll write something about those days spend with friend later.

This is important choice for me.
Do you remember my old article about "saying no"? I wrote that i don't wanna go to a class party. They have asked who wants to go, this evening. I was worried and unsure. I've written: "I'm sorry, but i won't go." I was so afraid to send it, but i've done it. I don't really know how to feel about it.




They asked me why, so I've answered: "I don't want to go and i'm leaving for holidays". This is an important part because, i thought i'm not strong enough to be honest. Moreover I've written: "Thank you for inviting me, but i really won't go. Enjoy it." I feel better than i felt before. I'm still afraid and quite worried. I really don't wanna go. They will trying to convince me. I have to stay strong and polite. Hope they'll understand and won't talk about it too much. I'll be happier if i won't go.

Perfect

I'm totally in love with this song. I'll write something about last Saturday and about meetings with my friend (best Friday ever!). Maybe tomorrow. So, sweet dreams, good night. Mainly enjoy  the music!

Take a cup of tea and read poetry

Francois Villon

Ballade: Du Concours De Blois

I’m dying of thirst beside the fountain,

Hot as fire, and with chattering teeth:

In my own land, I’m in a far domain:

Near the flame, I shiver beyond belief:

Bare as a worm, dressed in a furry sheathe,

I smile in tears, wait without expectation:

Taking my comfort in sad desperation:

I rejoice, without pleasures, never a one:

Strong I am, without power or persuasion,

Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Nothing is sure for me but what’s uncertain:

Obscure, whatever is plainly clear to see:

I’ve no doubt, except of everything certain:

Science is what happens accidentally:

I win it all, yet a loser I’m bound to be:

Saying: ‘God give you good even!’ at dawn,

I greatly fear I’m falling, when lying down:

I’ve plenty, yet I’ve not one possession,

I wait to inherit, yet I’m no heir I own,

Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

I never take care, yet I’ve taken great pain

To acquire some goods, but have none by me:

Who’s nice to me is one I hate: it’s plain,

And who speaks truth deals with me most falsely:

He’s my friend who can make me believe

A white swan is the blackest crow I’ve known:

Who thinks he’s power to help me, does me harm:

Lies, truth, to me are all one under the sun:

I remember all, have the wisdom of a stone,

Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Merciful Prince, may it please you that I’ve shown

There’s much I know, yet without sense or reason:

I’m partial, yet I hold with all men, in common.

What more can I do? Redeem what I’ve in pawn,

Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Translated by A. S. Kline ©  2004 All Rights Reserved.

A few words

I don't speak French. However i'm sorry, i'd like to read a poems in the original. As you can see, i've reproduced an English translation. I've read a lot of Villon's poems last night. I love especially this one. I can't say if is it  his best poem. All are great. Poems that will live forever. I can't choose only one. This one is the first, that i've read and it still fascinates me. Francois Villon described the feelings so accurately. Such an interesting person, wasn't he? Villon's poetry is hundreds years old and still so damn real.

Back together

I spend a Saturday with my old friend. We hadn't seen each other in 9 months. Don't ask me why. We don't really know. She's studying in another city. We're not so close as we used to be. Nothing bad have happened between us. She left without a single word.

...

In Thursday she send me a long message and I answered and send her that "picture with text" and wrote: "this is accurate". I was so happy she texted me because i wouldn't text her on my own. Even tough i missed her too.



I've already written, that we spend the Saturday afternoon together. We talked so much about life and everything. I found that she doesn't have a friend   in her class either. It's so...i don't know... i feel better, when i know i'm not the only one, who doesn't. Incidentally she doesn't get well with her room-mate. We played The Sims 2 (at her place) just like the old times.

She still means a lot to me. I hope we can be friends again. I know it sounds crazy. We hadn't seen either texted each other for couple months and now we just go out and talk and i hope everything will be ok again? Maybe i'm naive. But I've know her all my life. Something like a best friend. I missed the old times... how happy i was with her. So many memories. Suddenly the one that got away came back. We were just together. And that was enough.

Sit and think

Now i seem like Taylor's fan, which i am not. I simply like this song.

I've done it. I break my Wednesday tradition yesterday. I was doing my hair (put curlers) because of today's photography (nothing special, simply anually photo of whole class) and i forgot. Interesting fact: I was absolutely happy yesterday. I studied for a history test with my friend (doesn't sound like fun, but it was, honest) and be both passed the test quite well. It was a day spend with a few nice people, unexpectedly at school. We talked and laughed a lot. I was looking at an old pictures and wishing i clould go back to that moment. There were my cousins, aunt, grandma brother and me in a Zoo, two years ago. They make me upset sometimes, even so I adore them so much. It's my family. Nobody gets left behind of forgotten.

I saw this photo on weheartit.com yesterday and thought : "Now and again! :)))" i was truly happy and satisfied with my life. It doesn't happen every day. Today i am not, for example. No big deal. I'm fine. I'm just not happy.

My class (and teacher) went to confectioner's instead of gym. Don't care about details, we just went there to buy some ice-cream and desserts. I don't really have a group or friends in my class. I get well (talk) with classmates, everything is ok in this way, but we are not friends. I'd sit with someone but all tables were placed so i sat alone. I smiled often. I was thinking about life and waiting for my raspberries with ice-cream.
I thought: "Everybody looks happy. Except me." I felt like i don't have anyone to talk to. However i wasn't sad.

I knew i have a friends. They just weren't there that's all. So i was lonely... for five years now. You know, i am not lonely all the time. In some groups of people, i just feel lonely, most of time. I don't worry about it. As i have written i get well with that people and i'm really happy about it. I can't complain. Of course i'd rather be in class with my friends, if you asking. Nevertheless i'm fine. At least i don't have any enemies. Do you remember the Midnight in Paris? This thought is snappy:

C'mon guys!

I wonder how many people from foreign states read my blog. Just reading without a single world. Do they  eally exist? Isn't it just a misunderstanding? What if that people open my blog and close it quickly and do not read anythink? Honestly, i wanna get know anyone from all over the world. If you are here, reading my artickles, just let me know. Write anything. Seriously. You can't be so lazy. I'm happy if you visit and read my blog. I can't explain why. I just haven't met many people from another states, not even on the internet. It seems like you do exit. Moreover, you're reading my artickle right now. Probably. I'm trying to impress you. Don't be imaginary readers anymore.To be honest, i think i'm trying in vain. Get it, you don't care about my claptraps. Nevertheless if you want to write something (just to say "hi, i'm here") just do it. I'll appreciate it.

I don't like talking about me. About my favorite book, film, things either. I just don't wanna let people know who i really am. I don't mind tell this to my friends. But when i have to have speech in class, i'm afraid. Not like speeches. I feel like i should impress people. I'm afraid they won't like my favorite music, film, book, whatever. I know this is silly, because people are different and of course they do not like the same things. That's ok. I'm unique. Everyone is. I feel insecure about it anyhow. Maybe cause i'm afraid anyone will judge me. I don't feel good when i have to tell everyone (in class) something about me. I'm not a talker.

Unbirthday spend with cousins

I spend weekend with my little cousins. I adore them so much. My cousin Veronica is 5 years old. She's so cute. Showed me all Barbie dolls and cuddly toys. I told her some fairy. She didn't know the Alice in Wonderland, so i told her more about the story. She was fascinated by an Unbirthday. We talked a lot. It's kinda funny to listen little kids talking about pets (incidentally, Veronica was trying to catch a cat, but the cat ran away), what they thinks life and kindergarten. My other cousin George is 8 years old. We played some video games. He was always better than me. Sometimes, when i'm with kids i feel like i go back to my childhood. I'm not saying i'm not OK with my age. Moreover, i'd like to be older... But it's amazing to spend time with children that love you no matter what.

Btw: My aunt read a story, that I've written and she thinks it's great. I'm so happy.